About Last Night: Or Racism and Violence in America

There seems to be some resurgence of late, in the ranks of those deniers of racism. They scourge those who point to racism as a real and malevolent force in America. It seems these deniers are, routinely white, very few people of color deny racism as a truth. When those who decry the current president, and those who speak up about the true state of race in America, seek to divert our resolve this issue, we must respond. Here is my response, a true story of how racism is real, and also violent.

It was about 1:40 AM. Our favorite watering hole in Walla Walla, WA, was closing. In the men's room my friend J, stated forcefully, "I want to kick some Redneck ass!!" I said, "Oh yeah? I saw them too, they are for real. No doubt." I had seen them. The guy in the Cowboy hat and boots, who clearly belonged in them. His buddies. And the one with military style ball cap and serious swagger. They were not play actors, they filled the bill. They were strangers to this bar, that was also clear. As I left the bathroom I walked by the group of them, leaving in a tangled mob with some of the others in the bar. Right at that moment, ball cap dude turns back to two Laotian men, who were regulars here, and says "....what are you saying slant eyes?" I guess this verbal interchange explained why my friend had been all bent outta shape about these guys. These guys were fulfilling the stereotype! I instantly blurted out, "Slant eyes? Are you kidding me? You can't say that, that is so racist! Really guy! That is just so unacceptable! " Ballcap turns on me and says, "Who are you rope smoker? What the F... is your problem?" I said, "I am just saying, what you said is not OK. Seriously, that is ridiculous."

One of his friends, in passing stated, "Go hug a tree, tree hugger!" Another one came up to me and tugged on my strap for my laptop case. I had arrived on my bike with my bag over my back. "What is this, a satchel strap?" By this time, I was engaged in the struggle. I caught his undertone, we had moved from racism, to environmentalism, to fashion and the man purse. I said, "Really? You are going to say that? I get it." He said, "You get what?" Me back at him, "You are gonna trash talk me too. Seriously, are you kidding?"

By this time we were headed out the door and I had caught the bouncers eye. They were all waiting for me when I got out. All attention had shifted from the Laotian men, to me. The latent violence that exists whenever racism rears its nasty little head, was becoming clearer by the moment. They all gathered around me, badgering me, testing my boundaries, threatening me with their very posture and dialog. I just repeated over and over. "You can't say stuff like that! That's all I am saying."

There was more of that mode, back and forth. Ball cap dude insulting me and encroaching more and more on my physical space. Pushing in between us, the bouncer called out to them, "That's it, get off the property! It is time to go. Right now!" Ball cap dude now turned to him and said "What? I didn't do nuthin!" I quickly said, "Yes you did! You called that guy slant eye!" He said, "What slant eye? Where? Are talking about a slope?" With that the bouncer exploded. There it was, violence. The bouncer double stiffed arm pushed him. He slammed right to the ground, on his ass. Back up against the fence. The bouncer, a tough blonde dude, was obviously now pissed off, later I would remember that the Laotian guys and the bouncer were friends, "I told you to get off our property. Now!"

At this all the guys friends surged forward. Yelling, "Hey why did you do that!" "That was f'd up!" The bouncer just repeated, "I said get off our property, at least twelve times, he wouldn't move!" By this time the other bouncer and the bar manager were out there too, they hustled the first bouncer inside and then turned to all of us demanding we leave. We are all talking back and forth. Same punch lines. Finally, the manager turned to me and said, "Larry, you need to go home, please, you are making it worse." At first I tried to deny it, but clearly I was upset too and was feeding the fire at this point. I had stated my point, and as ever in my life, hung around too long!

"OK," I said,"I have to get my bike though." He said, "Well, get it and go home." Everybody was headed to their cars and I could now get my bike safely. After getting and climbing on, I turned and began to talk to my friend J and the two Laotian guys. All three told me, "you need to go Larry." I said, "It's all right now." What I didn't see was the baseball cap dude who had approached again, for one more word. Along with his other friends who hung back a bit. He marched right up to me. At this point it is important to note that as a US Marine, who had experienced combat in Desert Storm, and now as social worker, I know real violence. This was a serious threat, the way this guy moved and looked, he did too. That being said, he was also a real smart ass! Which honestly does require some intelligence.

He said to me, "You caused a lot of shit back there! You know that?" I just looked at him, at least this time I knew enough not to verbally engage him anymore. "I don't like you!" He spat on the ground. "How does that feel?" He said, staring at me. First I felt the adrenal charge of near violence, him crowded into my space, me on my bike now. I looked at him. Thinking, if he hits me I am going to be in a very awkard position on this bike. Readiness for the charge overtook analysis. I looked back at him and said, "I feel fine. How do you feel?" Immediately, "I feel fine too!" "All right then!, " I said. "We're good?" "No we are not," he said. "You need to leave. Just get out of here. Go On!" Now I was stuck, my pride now preventing me from leaving. "I'm fine right where I am at." I said. This went back and forth until the bouncer came over and said, "Go home Larry." Grateful for his intervention, I immediately headed out, saying to baseball cap dude, "I am leaving because I respect that guy." And I was gone. Riding my bike home, alone in the dark. The adrenaline hit on the way and I shook uncontrollably. It was over.

Except it wasn't. The next day I woke up. All I could think about was, did I start all of that, like he said? Really? Baseball cap dude was in my head. I now had to deal with the effect of violence, first accountability for ones own part in it and then emotionally. I was just really quiet and down, until it all sorted out in my head. I know the effect of racism. It is both mental and physical. The violence came from a racist being called out on it. The threat was physical until the bouncer dominated that scene, as bouncers are paid to do. Then the threat was mental, with latent violence in clear effect. It took about twelve hours for this energy to clear out of my life... baseball cap guy and his violent racism....and required that I visit the manager of the bar the next day and thank him for helping me disengage when I was too caught up, and be accountable for needing help. Whose fault was it though? It took awhile to sort out, but I know now, for sure. Don't be mistaken on this one. The answer is clear.